Girls who were beautiful, had good grades, were cool to hangout with, most of the school population would almost love them loads yeah? Me? I wasnt the type of pretty good grades popular girl. I was just a normal girl with average grades, i wasnt pretty though. My family wasnt rich eithier, (I came from a broken family, my parents divorced when i was barely even starting Primary 1) life wasnt too bad i guess :) The bullying started in primary 4 ...
I had to chose a CCA, so i chose Modern Dance, it was fun alth0ugh the teachers were strict, they meant well anyway ... Anyways this started when the SYF performance was near. We were practicing our dance, i couldnt keep up. The teacher had to stop the entire practice for atleast afew mins just to correct me. Surely someone wasnt too happy with that though. AGAIN the teacher had to stop the practice just because i couldnt keep up with the dance.
So we started practice from the top again, i was walking back to the starting position, and this girl from the modern dance group she smirked at me& whispered to me : " Your useless, stupid" I didnt take that to heart though, i just continued practing with the modern dance group. At the end of our practice, i was preparing to go home, i walked past her s, o i could go get my bagshe stared at me and whispered something to her cool friends and geez her so called cool friends joined in and laughed also.
Seriously on many occasions, she would quietly called me names. I cried alot, So one day i really had enough, i decided maybe i should be cool so they will accept me and yeah i became a completly different person. I badly wanted to fit in with them ... i myself i picked on people,I became a bully myself too ... I thought it was cool like that, eventually it lead to becoming an attiude problem. I picked on people often, people started avoiding me. I had two best friends, HW, JR. The 3 of us were like best friends. I teased JR about a girl rumored that he liked, he didnt take it to heart at first, i still had friends though ... They would joke with me, until ...
G i called him, i told him to stop calling me by JR's surname. He didnt stop, he continued to call me that name, i myself continued to taunt JR. JR cant take it, he called me a bitch, G& his friends spammed my phone with calls and smses saying that i was a loser. It felt crap .. I knew about people cutting themsleves, i thought cutting would help me relieve my stress, sorrows. One day i myself tried cutting, i used scisscors Lol.I didnt bleed, i felt great .. Not too long later, during math lesson, my math teacher saw the cuts on my hand, he asked me to see him after school, i told him what had happned and i was referred to the counseller.
After the taunting incident, only than i knew i should stop taunting JR. He deleted me from facebook, i tried messaging him via facebook asking for forgivness, he ignored. I tried messaging him again& again. This time he replied but, he told me he hates me, for taunting him. After that he blocked me. We never talked from than on ... Eventually, i graduated from primary school ... Somehow, bullies should put themselves in the shoes of the victim, you'll know than how does it feel like when someone bullies you.
Words come fast. It's sad to hear abt ur parents. I'm sorry for what happened. You know who am I. The girl in ur cca is obviously bitchy, cos just bcos she danced better/u danced worser doesn't give her a right to bully you. Remembered she was whispering? Cos she doesn't dare to say it louder. And on ur part, u were wrong to Bully others. Getting bullied doesn't mean u have the right to bully. And for Gerald's part, he will also taunt me, but that's only for the fun of it, for ur part I'm not sure, but he's wrong if he meant it. As for ur part towards me, u were obvs in the wrong, and tbh, I'm still angry, cos when I said I don't like u, u continued to tried... Fitting in? And even used her name to taunt me. Too much, truth hurts, u also don't know how I felt when u spread what happened. Told the whole world. I don't have to like you. But in ur actions u insisted. At least that's what I interpreted. And who's the math teacher, mr Teo? U were wrong to cut urself, even if it failed. U gave up on urself, u really did. When the entire world was against u, u gave up on urself. Who are u to give up on urself? I'm not saying u were in the wrong, but do u srsly have zero friends? When u were bullied u still had. When u bully u lose even more. U are bullied and yet still bully, definitely u are at the losing end. U should have known, but back then we were all immature, so on that part, I can forgive u. I forgive whatever u did to me, I don't care abt the past, tbh. I hope u forgive ur bullies too. Being too distanced now, I don't think we can actually be friends, if not awkward. But ya, long time ago, I already had nothing against u. So ya, that's forgiveness I can give u. U are alr at the end of ur rope, go and live something new and forget about the past, cos now i don't give a shit about the past anymore, so stop thinking I still hate u
ReplyDeleteJr thats you right? ... I know whatever i did it will haunt both of us as a bad memory. I should have stopped taunting and yet i didnt. But the past is the past, we cant change it. Its a lesson for me already. I have moved on, you too haved mmoved on also. Its ok though, that we cant even be friends. It sure to be awkward anyway ... Everything you do or make decisions in your life, do your best bye ... :)
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